CCHQ, 30th April 2010. Although it’s nearly 9 pm, the place is heaving.
In a fairly large room, people calling to each other, computers are purring, multiple large screens are showing every news channel. The sound is on Sky News right now, as there’s been a rumour that Adam Boulton has got a scoop.
SKY NEWS
Adam Boulton: "We’ve been fortunate enough tonight to speak to Baroness Thatcher, who can give us one minute of her time for a comment."
Andy Coulson silently puts down his coffee. What the hell – this wasn’t in the grid. She was supposed to be kept well and truly off stage!.
He holds up his hand for silence. No one notices immediately, so he bellows “Shut up and listen!”. The hubbub dies down swiftly. They’ve missed the first few words of Boulton’s question, but that was just preamble.
Adam Boulton: "…with him in the late Seventies and influenced your thinking then. You were telling us earlier – before we were recording, about your opinion of him."
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no. They’re talking about Congdon. Don’t you dare do what I think you’re going to do
Out loud “Can someone shut the old bat up right now?!”
Horrified looks from many of the people around him at this insult to Lady Thatcher – horrified realisation from a few more who’ve worked out what Coulson has.
Baroness Thatcher: "Well, Timothy always spoke a lot of sense back then …"
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit! Fuck! It IS about UKIP. Just say something like “it’s a shame he’s changed for the worse” . Just say it! Please!
Baroness Thatcher: "… so I’m not surprised that he still does."
FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!
An instant of total silence in CCHQ and then uproar. Steve Hilton is looking perplexed. “Why all the concern – we didn’t want any toxicity on our campaign – now it's on the UKIP campaign”
Coulson sighs. “Steve, the voters never rejected Thatcher, and there’s still a lot of support for her. A lot of hatred, sure, but look at some polls of 'which PM was best'. She still does really well. And a lot of people hated her for personal reasons – like they thought she took pride in causing pain, or ridiculous things like that, but many of those still admired her, and thought she talked sense, even if her implementation of it was – in their opinion – a bit nasty”
Hilton isn’t dumb. “So … fuck. Fuck! We’ve been fucked”
Coulson. “Exactly”